Well most people don’t just get all their dreams handed to them on a plate.  They get them by taking steps towards them every day.  They take actions to move them towards their dreams and goals.  People who get what they want often take a long term view of life. They know that they must take every achievement no matter how small or how grand and learn from it.  They will build upon these achievements and move closer to their goals – undaunted.

So, how do you do it?  How do you turn your wishes into reality?  You make a start and look at your wishes. You have to transform your wishes into goals.  Don’t panic if you’ve set yourself giant daunting goals.  Chunk them down into manageable chunks.  If one of your goals is to overcome shyness and be more self assured.  Give yourself small goals every day: smile at someone you like; say hello to a stranger; join an evening class. Goals are wishes with timetables for completion.  Look at all your wishes and separate them into short term, medium term and long term goals.  When you’ve done that allocate specific dates to each goal.  This will give you a plan for your life. Take action daily towards your goals and make regular appointments with yourself – just like a business appointment – and review your progress. Remember build on every achievement.  But most importantly start now and do something every day to get closer to your dreams.

“Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.”Dr. Robert Anthony Educator

Imagine that you are in your eighties looking back on your life and wishing you had taken action on your dreams.  Imagine what it would feel like, shut your eyes and really feel it.  What if years and years ago you had written down your wishes – you wanted to be confident, to meet people, you wanted to travel and see The Pyramids, Ayres Rock, the Great Wall of China and the Grand Canyon.  How would you feel?  Would you regret that you could have experienced more, had more friends and lived a fuller more enriched life?  Would you have wished that you had made a plan with steps that would have led to you reaching your goal?  If you are really feeling this, you will feel devastated that your life has passed you by.  Don’t get to the end of your life and wish you’d taken action.  You can make a change NOW.  You can start to change your life NOW.  Write your wishes down, chunk them down into manageable goals, set yourself deadlines, work towards them every day.

Be one of the people that DOES things, don’t put them off, become an achiever, little by little, little steps or big steps so long as you are moving you are going along the right road.  Don’t just dream it. Be who you want to be. Live the life you want.

 In the past you might have followed all the right steps to gain confidence – you’ve believed you are confident, you have repeated positive affirmations to yourself, you’ve visualised and felt how confidence feels but……. you’ve only done this a few times when you’ve had the time, you’ve not done this on a daily, continuous basis. Maybe you think it sounds a bit boring but think about it, you have the ability within you NOW to have complete and ultimate confidence or you could just ignore this advice and carry on as you are. What’s it to be?

Okay, you’ve decided on complete and ultimate confidence.  What you now need to do is get your mind in training. Get alert, get switched on.  Start and maintain the training.  Make it a habit.  It’s your life.  Get your mind conditioned to be in training for complete and ultimate confidence.

How? Condition, Rehearse, Repetition Reinforce again and again.  Make it a habit.  Make the change in your brain that is constant and consistent. The brain is an unbelievable organ so much more powerful than the most complicated computer invented so far. Placebo tablets can work on ill people because they have been told they are a wonder cure and their belief is so powerful their brain acts on their belief and makes them well. It has been shown that your brain can’t tell the difference between something you imagine that is crystal clear and as though it is real from something that you actually experience.

You need to rehearse and imagine how confident you will be and intensely feel how it will be, how your life will improve.  You will rehearse this passionate vision of your ultimate confidence again and again in your mind, every morning, every night before you go to sleep and any other time in the day you make time for it.  Your brain will see by the constant repetition that this is a better way for you to live.  It makes you happier.  From this constant conditioning your brain will want to operate this powerful new pattern.

So now you know what your ultimate vision of confidence is.  You are imagining and rehearsing this crystal clear vision with total belief and intensity.  You are doing this every day, many times, it’s effortless, it’s a happy feeling, it unforced, it’s now a habit. Your life is changing and improving.

“Decorate yourself from the inside out”. Andrei Turnhollow

Keep the intensity and desire fresh by reinforcing your new brain conditioning.  Be aware of how you are changing and no matter how minute you think the change is, immediately reward yourself.  Maybe you start to feel more self assured, maybe you’ve smiled at someone, it doesn’t matter what it is, reward yourself immediately! Your brain will link this new conditioning to pleasure and say “Yes please!! Give me more.” By continually reinforcing your new pattern of confidence conditioning and rewarding yourself immediately you will change how your brain works.

“There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship”.– Mark Twain

Yes, you can change.  You can make the change permanent.  Want it, believe it rehearse it in your brain with a passion, make it a habit, make it effortless, make it consistent, condition yourself for confidence and reinforce these new behaviours. Ultimate confidence is yours, condition, rehearse, reinforce, reinforce, reinforce.

Over time,  this constant doubting yourself and chipping away at your confidence can have a massive cumulative effect.  But it doesn’t have to be like this.  Stop the negative self talk and stop comparing yourself to others.  You are you. Your life is your life.  You can change it but stop the comparisons now.  You can only move on when you decide to focus on you and your life.  Look inside you.  Forget looking at others.

Okay, let begin with how to start, without being overwhelmed by the enormity of the task. Let’s start small. Small steps, small chunks are manageable. You can do it. Just focus on you, remember no comparisons. Maybe you are an untidy person: perhaps in your appearance; how you work; your desk; your house.  So where to start?  Pick one area.  It doesn’t matter which one.  Small steps.  You’ve heard of the expression

“How do you eat an elephant? The answer – Just one little chunk at a time”.

Obviously this is just an expression, that explains how to tackle a big problem (don’t eat an elephant!). Let’s just pick the first one.  Now make a list of things that would improve your appearance:

-                      Get your hair cut

-                      Wear clean modern or classic clothes that suit you

-                      Sort out any old or out of date clothes and pass onto a charity shop

-                      Get in touch with a style guru or buy a book about how to look good

Now even that list might overwhelm you.  Chunk it down again.

Let’s pick one  – sort out your old or out of date clothes.

Set yourself a target to do every day eg go through a draw of clothes a day and sort out what is out of date or doesn’t fit you, then, when you’ve done all the draws, start on the wardrobes.  Just limit yourself to a section a day.  Chunk it down!

As you get these small tasks done you will be amazed at the impact these simple achievements will have on your life.  You will start to regain your confidence in your ability to get things done or make changes in your life.  You will feel fresher, positive and optimistic.  Your confidence will increase as these little changes you are making add up to give a massive cumulative effect on your feelings of self worth and self esteem.

The key points are to FOCUS on you.  STOP the comparisons. Pick something you want to change or improve upon and CHUNK IT DOWN. Remember no task or change is too big if you chunk it!

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com where you can find more information on confidence.

“Remember, happiness doesn’t depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.” Dale Carnegie 1888-1955, Writer and Lecturer

You need to take a step back and look at your life in total.  Look at it as though you are an observer.  Take stock, audit your body. Okay you might need to lose some weight. Contact your doctor’s surgery.  It’s a high priority worldwide.  They will advise you on how much you need to lose. You can find a plan that suits you and take action and follow it through.  But maybe you are at a healthy weight but the only imperfections are in your eyes. You need to re-evaluate how you see yourself and how you treat yourself. 

Make your inner speak to yourself positive and kind. It’s your body you have to live in every day, love your body, treat it well.

“If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year. Today should always be our most wonderful day.”Thomas Dreier Author

Forgive yourself, the past is the past, you can’t change it.  Move on, learn from past but don’t dwell on it. Change how you think about your body. It’s yours be grateful.

“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.” Earl Nightingale 1921-1989, Author and Radio Announcer

You body image can affect your overall love of life.  You are only here once (supposedly).  Put your body image in perspective.  It’s just a part of your life.  Look at your body audit you did earlier, put it in perspective with the rest of your life.  Be optimistic about your life, trust your body.  Overcome any confidence crisis that has been caused by your body image. It’s your body.  Learn to love it. Allow yourself to live in the body you want. Start living life at the 100% level. Love life.

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com where you can find more information on confidence.

Here are a couple of facts about your subconscious mind.  It processes about 400 billion bits of information per second and the impulses travel at speeds of up to 100,000 mph.  Your conscious mind on the other hand processes only about 2000 bits of information per second and these impulses travel at speeds of between 100 and 150 mph.  So let’s start working with the super subconscious..

Your mind believes what you tell it and if nothing has changed for you yet , you could be harbouring limiting beliefs about yourself. 

“Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you’re right”  Henry Ford

So if you believe “deep down” that nothing is ever going to change what you are really doing is telling yourself that you will fail. This belief has to change otherwise nothing else will. You must believe that from now on you will send positive life changing thoughts to your mind. You have the same right as everyone else to fulfil your dreams.  You have the power in your mind to achieve your destiny.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try one more time.”Thomas Edison 1847-1931, Inventor and Entrepreneur

When you read the blueprint below, you may have seen the steps before, you may have even taken action on them BUT if you believed deep down, that nothing was going to change then nothing would change.  You set yourself up to fail.  You were doing all the right things but your mind had been programmed to fail.

Okay, let’s not delay.  The Confidence Blueprint steps are:

-                      Take time to think about the life you want.  Look at all areas: financial; work and career; family and friends; holidays and experiences; health and physical; self development; spiritual and social.

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!” Lawrence “Yogi” Berra Baseball Player and Team Manager

-                      Write down your goals, break them down into short, medium and long term goals

-                      Assign times and deadlines to them

-                      Reassess them monthly to ensure you are on track

-                      Keep reaffirming to yourself several times everyday – I can do it.  Belief is a concept that you are in charge of.

-                      Be in Control.  Focus on your desires and make the time to design your life.

-                      Apply your mind to your goals do not become distracted: by surfing the internet; watching the internet; reading spam and jokey emails.  Apply and Focus your mind.  This is what will make the difference. 

-                      Be brave.  If you tell your friends about your goals they might laugh at you or tell you you’ll never do it. You don’t need to tell them anything if you don’t want to. You need to be brave and be different from everyone else because you want something different to them.  If you just want more of what you and friends have got at the moment  – getting up  – going to work – having your dinner – watching the tele – going to bed and then doing it all again – well then if you listen to their negative comments that’s just what you’ll have.  Be brave and separate yourself from the herd.

-                      Keep focus and apply yourself to the beliefs and actions.  Keep reaffirming to yourself several times a day – I can do it.

Program your subconscious by imprinting on your mind what you want. Program your mind by reaffirming your goals to yourself several times a day. Take time each day to visualise what you want.  Then take your visualisation to the next level, actually feel now what it would be like to have what you want, see it as though it’s right here with you, the bright colours,  hear the sounds it makes.  See yourself as part of picture.  Start living in your mind the life you desire.  Imprint on it what your life is like.  Make your goals positive and as though you have already achieved them such as I am a confident, friendly person who finds meeting new people really easy.

The Confidence Blueprint works.  It can be applied to any other areas of your life.  Know what you want, believe you can do it, take action, reaffirm your beliefs, control your mind, apply and focus constantly and your life will change in line with your actions and beliefs. Do it and Believe it.  Start today.

“You are what you repeatedly do. Excellence is not an event – it is a habit.”Aristotle 384-322 BC, Greek Philosopher and Scientist

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com where you can find more information on confidence.

When people are talking to you, be interested in what they are saying.  Ask questions, show a genuine inquisitive nature into what they are saying.  If you have a similar  experience to what is being talked about, mention it but try to avoid taking over the conversation.

 2.                  Don’t preach or babble on when you are speaking.

 Make sure you are keeping your listener’s interest.  Don’t drone on even if you are talking about your specialist subject!

 “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech”. George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

 3.                  Take it in turns to speak.

Even if you feel you have got more to say on the subject, part of getting along with people is taking turns.  Remember when you were a child, your mum and your teacher would tell you to “take turns” well it’s just the same now you are grown up! It makes it fair and people feel they can say “their piece”.

4.         Don’t interrupt.

People who interrupt are rude.  They feel they have something important to add that is more important than the person speaking.  It shows a lack of respect for the person talking and gives off a “me,me,me” aura which is never an attractive quality.

5.         Always give praise or encouragement when the opportunity arises.

“Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret.” Mary Kay Ash 1915-2001, Founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics 

Make your compliments genuine and giving.  Do not expect a compliment back but you’ll be pleasantly surprised that people usually reciprocate.

6.         Discuss points of view but don’t argue.

When two conflicting points of view disagree do not become disagreeable be tolerant and have an open mind . It may be better to say “I hear what you are saying but let me explain my point of view”. 

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment”.Dorothy Nevill

7.         Have a  positive and cheerful demeanor

Emit positive energy and enthusiasm.  Check your physiology, stand up tall, look the person in the eye, be vital and lively.  Everyone has and aches and pains and things going on in their personal lives but you don’t have to burden everyone with it.  Keep up the energy.  This will be infective. People gravitate to positive people.

“I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” Martha Washington, 1732-1802, First American First Lady

8.         Be aware of other people’s feelings.

What you may think is humorous may be hurtful to the person you are talking to. You may think it’s funny but you may alienate yourself from the other people in the group.

“One of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid”. Jonathan Swift (1667 – 1745)

9.         Avoid gossip

If you engage in gossip about others you are unlikely to gain the trust of anyone new you are talking to.  Gossip has no value and can be extremely hurtful and destructive.

10.       Enjoy the moment

You won’t get this time back again.  It’s gone forever.  Feel grateful that you are chatting and communicating, learning, interacting, maybe even making new friends.  Life is for living and you are part of it.  Jump in and enjoy!

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com where you can find more information on confidence.

The way to create rapport is discovering things we have in common with people and copying or “mirroring”.  You can do this by mirroring their actions and activities.  Much of this is done by talking about your common associations to each other but by far the greater impact is made by copying their tone of voice and how fast or slow they talk and also by copying their body movements – how they stand, their gestures.  What happens is the person you are mirroring/copying starts to feel that you are like them, so you must be okay.  This creates a bond a rapport.

“I like her because I smile at her and she smiles at me and means it”.  Anonymous

You don’t have to copy everything to build rapport.  You probably already do a lot of mirroring without knowing it.  Think about it, when you talk to someone who speaks quietly you would normally speak quietly back them.  The person subconsciously feels that you know them and they know you.  You are entering and understanding their world. Things you can do to enter their world can be:

- Talking about things you have in common

- Ask questions about other things about the person, their family, their work, their passions not just the thing you both have in common

- Take time to listen to what they are saying

- Mirror how they speak – their tonality, pace, language

- Copy their physiology – posture, gestures

- Talk to them in a way that shows you understand who they are and what they want – be empathetic

The key to building rapport is to be adaptable, to change your words and actions until they mirror the world of the other person.  To make successful relationships you need to be able to create rapport , a bond between you and the other person.

“The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are.” Thomas Dreier Author

Just think of all the times that being able to  build rapport will be an asset to you: at work or at an interview – build rapport by mirroring the interviewer, meeting new business clients you can make a connection with them, making friends – mirroring their ways will ensure they do not see you as a threat, they feel that you are like them, you are part of their world. You can start this now, at home, at work, shopping. If you can connect with someone, mirror them, you will be building your confidence by mastering communication by the magic of rapport. Take action and start creating the magic of rapport NOW!

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com  where you can find more information on creating confidence.

As well as worrying about the future are you constantly dredging up the past? Are you dwelling on things that have happened that you can’t change such as your childhood, your career choices, your marriage, your divorce.

The time you spend on languishing about the past on how things might have been is pointless.  The past as they say is history.  Okay you might learn things that you wouldn’t do again but you can’t change anything. You can physically feel the hurt, anger, anxiety that you remember. It can overwhelm you but you have a choice.  You can be aware of your feelings. 

You need self awareness in your everyday decisions.  You need to be in control of your choices.  If you don’t make the choices someone else will and you won’t be leading the life you want.  It’s great to have goals and targets but not to let these dominate your thoughts and actions.  Life will pass you by.  What you need to obtain is Balance.  Your life is happening NOW.  You won’t have this moment ever again.  Don’t lose it.  Enjoy it.  Start living in the moment.  Balance your enjoyment of now with a review of the past and your plan for the future.

What does “Living in the Moment” mean?  It means being happy and grateful for what you have at this moment and consciously taking time to enjoy it.  It’s easy to live in the moment when it’s a happy event such as a birthday, wedding, graduation.  But unless you become aware of living in the moment and you let yourself dwell on the past, harbour resentments and worry, you are denying yourself your life today, your life at this moment. 

“I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” Abraham Maslow 1908-1970, Psychologist

Allow yourself to let go of these negative feelings of resentment, envy, worry.  Look on everything as an observer.  Don’t be judgemental.  Just look at what is going on around you.  This sounds easy but you need to practice, practice, practice.  You need to make yourself focus on the moment and observe but without judging whether it’s a good or bad experience. We tend to remember and focus on the good and bad times, the highs and the lows but life is made up of so much more.  Most of your life is just “normal” if you start looking and focusing on the normal times – a clear bright day, a hot cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, listening to children laughing – it can feel like you are looking at the world with new eyes.  You are living in the moment. Enjoy the moment.

Buddha: “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change”.

Some people are always wanting more: a bigger house, a faster car, a promotion at work. STOP!!! They are always looking to the future, the present moment isn’t what they want.  But think about it, the present moment is all we have. Who knows what is going to happen in the future and we can’t change the past, so live for today, live the moment, be aware of what’s going on around you, awaken your consciousness to NOW.   Just because you have goals it doesn’t mean that life is not good now. Look at your life, focus your thoughts on “the moment”, the present, you are living your life now, don’t just let life pass you by.  Live it and enjoy it!

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com where you can find more information on confidence.

Picture this person, they walk slowly, they have slumped shoulders, they look gloomy, their eyes look down to the floor.  What do you see? Somebody that is depressed. No one decides to be depressed but it’s not just a mental state, as we’ve seen it’s also a specific body image (or a specific body physiology).  By carrying on like this they are unconsciously continuing to make the decision to be depressed.

So can we change? You bet, you can change your physiology and your state of mind in an instance.  Put yourself in a position of ultimate self confidence.  Imagine what a totally self confident person would look like and emulate them.  Stand up tall, shoulders back, looking out at everyone, making eye contact, smiling, breathing deeply.  Walk like you imagine a confident person would, not sloping along but bounding along, head held high, shoulders back, on a mission you are going somewhere not just wasting time. Try it.  You can’t feel fed up or depressed with this posture.  Your mind is linked to your body and it’s getting the message that you are in a state of awareness and you mean business. You are telling your body that you choose to be confident and that you are confident.  By altering your body (your physiology) you are telling your mind that you are confident and that you are managing your feelings.

Make the time to invest in yourself not in monetary terms but invest in self esteem building. Start feeling the way you want to feel.  Imagine you are going to get the job of your dreams, how would you feel, how would you hold yourself?  Now “bottle” that feeling and your physiology.  You can call on that anytime you want.  You can change to a position to ultimate self confidence by changing your physiology – open the “bottle” and recreate the physiology and the feelings  Remember all human behaviour is result of the state we are in so if we are feeling confident and strong we can attempt things we would have never have thought possible when we were feeling fed up and tired.

 “Put your future in good hands – your own”  (Author unknown)..

Make self esteem building part of your daily routine.  Whenever you think about it make the decision to act confidently so it becomes a habit.  Make sure you stand tall, look people in the eyes, when they are speaking to you listen and look at them and when you talking maintain good eye contact with them. Even if at first you are still having to think about being confident, you will still communicate the right signals to inspire those around you.  That is the amazing thing about confident body language. Change your body posture and your thinking  and you can become the confident person you want to be.

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com  – for free videos and an ecourse on self esteem building click here.

What has happened to you up until this point will have contributed to how confident you feel.  You will have been affected by lots of different factors: parents and home life, school and school friends, college and university, work, where you live, your friends, your relations…the list goes on.  Depending on how you have reacted to the different people and to the different events that have happened in your life will affect how confident you are.

Positive experiences from, being encouraged by your parents, to having good friends will build on your inner self confidence.  You would have grown up being supported and fitting in.  But this may not be the case.  Some parents find their children an irritation and do not help them with their homework and tell them to stop bothering them as they have something “more important” to do – even if it’s just watching the TV.  Imagine the impact that has on a child. Another crucial area is fitting in at school, if you don’t fit in you can be alienated that takes away your confidence in dealing with people, and that sometimes can affect your whole life.  If you let it!! That’s the key.  You can change.

If you have labelled yourself a shy person who is lacking in self confidence, identifying an influencing factor from your past might give you a eureka moment.  It may give you a reason why you became shy or a reason why you lack confidence.  It should also mean that you can see that you don’t have to be this way.  You have just reacted in a certain way because you didn’t know any different .  But now you can make a choice.  You can choose how you react to any situation.  Just because you are not picked first in a game of five aside doesn’t mean you have to feel a failure.  You can kick those feelings of negativity in to touch and you can choose to feel relaxed, calm, whatever you want to. You can choose to be confident. You are in control of your thoughts. Think self confidence.

This article was written by Dee Brady the creator of www.secretsocialskills.com - for free videos and an ecourse on self confidence click here.